15 Jan 9 Different Types of Grooms and How to Manage Them Best
Dear Wedding Planner,
Yes, the classic Bridezilla exists however it is disproportionately hyped in the wedding media. Grooms are there, and grooms are a big part of the equation. Just like fathers are more present now in their kid’s life than they were 50 years ago, grooms are having a more significant say now in the their wedding day. They have opinions on colour schemes, menu selection… they even care about PRE-DINNER AMBIENCE MUSIC for God’s sake! Well some of them do. Some of them don’t. Here’s the 9 types of groom you will encounter.
1. The YES DEAR Groom
Societal constructs have nurtured and propagated the oft seen dynamic in relationships that the female calls the shots and the male simply follows, like a meek ostrich eager not to anger the irritable lioness. This leads to the frequently seen Yes Dear Groom. Whether he cares or not about the wedding, he will support all of the decisions she makes and rarely has an objection to proposed wedding features. Who are you to meddle in their finely balanced, if ultimately unhealthy, relationship dynamic? Just run with it. Pass all important decisions through her, and make her adore the special day (but make sure that you copy him in all your correspondences to cover your ass).
2. Groomzilla
Over on the other end of the control spectrum is the Groomzilla. He might be a fairly chauvinistic person, or he might be extremely opinionated on the wedding, or he might just be a mean bully. He may bring a lot of tension, and even anger to the planning process, possibly with highly pessimistic or cynical appraisals of your performance as the wedding planner. It can be very tricky to handle anegotistical Groomzilla but to do so you should remember the basic rule that men are simple, and want three things inlife. They want to hook up with a hot chick; they want to eat an amazing cheeseburger; and they want to impress their fathers. Try to use these goals to your advantage. Use the bride as a pretty conduit to appeal to him; even better if you can strike up a connection with his father or mother, and get them involved in ‘advising’ their son; and finally, only have meetings with him when there is delicious food on the plate.
3. Lazy Groom
The stereotype still persists and in most cases is true, that the wedding day is something the BRIDE has always dreamed of, and it is she who must be wooed and catered to. This caricature is further compounded when you have a Lazy Groom. He couldn’t care less about the minister’s diction or the jazz band at the end of the night. He will say yes to almost every suggestion placed in front of him, so just enjoy it. All it means is you have 50% fewer parties to check with and seek approval from. Just organise with the bride. Inevitably she will feel some anger towards the useless groom who hasn’t contributed to a single thing. In this case, tell her he is in charge of one thing. Let’s say, picking out the groomsmen’s clothes. And then you secretly do it. Easy. Everyone’s happy.
4. Cheap Groom
A prudent and financially cautious groom can pose some issues to the dream wedding you and Soon-to-be-Missus have in mind. He might be an unromantic soul who doesn’t think a wedding is needed at all. He would probably be happy if you ordered a buffet spread at Nando’s and put his iPhone on shuffle. A few simple principles can help you here. When offering a selection of vendors offer three high priced ones. Presumably he will select the lowest of the three, and you are still booking a fairly good level vendor. Quietly but frequently remind him that this is a ‘once in a lifetime’ moment – it’s the same tactic employed by the gondola drivers in Venice to carry out daylight extortion on feeble tourist, “but a signora, eess a wans eena laiftaimm yes?” Finally, do the decent thing and let him know the full breakdown and ALL costs in advance. Most men will be upset at the cost of a wedding. But they will only be truly livid, if the price is revealed to them mere hours before the event.
5. 'Rich Kid' Groom
You can be extremely wealthy and still be very frugal. But there will be grooms who have the Rich Kid mentality. They might be new money, old money, or a self-made start-up CEO selling sandals made from cashew nuts (we call them Cashoes!) but they will all have that one thing in common; they are rich. And when you’re rich generally you are willing to spend on a wedding, either because you want to show off that you have the dough, or you appreciate the stress-free life that comes from not having to make decisions on every little thing. Bridal couples engage you mainly for your organisational skills, but more importantly they engage you to dream of the things they can’t. This is your chance to dream big. Have the bride arrive in a hot-air balloon or have the entire Maroon 5 band burst out of the cake. Get something on your portfolio, and ride off into the sunset on your commission cheques. If there is any resistance on the extravagant suggestions you can gently drop in comparisons with previous weddings you have done, and subtly add the fact that theirs will be a clear “one-up”. E.g. “I once did a wedding where Adam Levine burst out of the cake for one song. Wouldn’t it be amazing to squeeze the whole band there! Just imagine… (careful lull in conversation when you await eventual agreement from competitive Rich Kid Groom)”.
6. The Performer Groom!
One of the lesser spotted primates is the Performer Groom. Either secretly or explicitly, he loves that the wedding day will shine a spotlight on him and his bride, that people are travelling from all over, and that he will have a captive audience. He will be fairly easy to please as long as you involve him heavily in the moments he cares about. The walk-in music at the ceremony; how the vows are presented; the speech he will make at the reception; their first dance. As long as those moments are carefully tended to on the day, he will be a happy man. To make him extra giddy, you can explain that the highlight of a wedding is often “a surprise” and ask him does he think he is up to creating a surprise moment where he sings/dance/performs magic tricks for his bride. He will basically spasm in joy at such a suggestion.
7. The Get Smashed!!! Groom
Certain cultures or countries might produce more of this particular primate – the Get Smashed Groom. He is closely related to the Lazy Groom in that he cares little about the dainty delicacies of the wedding flow, and instead is often heard uttering the familiar retort “I don’t care, as long as everyone has a GOOD TIME”. He will be almost exclusively focused on how much alcohol will be supplied to the reception, and what kind of music will be played on the dance floor. You’ll be hard pressed to get much productive input out of him, and be warned, a Get Smashed Groom generally moves in a pack of Get Smashed Groomsmen, so don’t expect to be choreographing them into anything! It’s hard to handle a party animal groom on the day but the cardinal rule is that there should be no alcohol for him under the ceremony is over. Sending some celebratory champagne while he is getting dressed in his tuxedo might backfire and lead to some “off script” vows later on.
8. The Smart Alec Groom
Often, he will have a background in a high-powered corporation, or he will simply have a personality type that is extremely organized, and rigorously intellectual. He will be doing extensive research and will be googling as fast as you, and will have the top five Audio-Visual providers in the area listed as soon as you do. Let him do it! Your job is not to make the best wedding possible. Your job is for the bridal couple to have the best wedding experience they can. If Mr Know-it-all weighs in with a highly recommended magician-cum-Cher impersonator for the entertainment segment, by all means, do your due diligence, survey this bizarre circus performer, and if there are no red flags book him/her. Then sit back and enjoy the rabbit being pulled out of the hat to the mid-90s belter If I Could Turn Back Time.
9. The Returning Groom
A man who has been married and divorced before can of course fall into any of the categories listed above, and might even be a carefully blended hybrid. He might be slightly jaded by the concept of weddings and therefore will fall into the Lazy Groom category, but at the same time might be fastidious by nature and will bring Smart Alec Groom factors into play. Generally the Returning Groom can be expected to want a low key celebration, but also to greatly please his new wife, so it’s a hard one to predict. Good luck!
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